Trick or Treat: Unmasking the Real Fears of Aging and How to Face Them
Don't believe us?
That's on you.
Truth is, when we're kids we spend much of our time looking forward to it, believing adulthood will bring us freedom to see "R" rated movies, buy liquor, get into that super cool dance club without getting "carded" and the ability to eat dessert first without having to face judgment from anyone.
What's not to like?
A lot of us really wanted that last freedom of eating sweets on demand.
When we finally get there, look around, and wonder when exactly the fine print changed.
Suddenly birthdays seem to come faster than before, the mirror sometimes presents us with someone we don't recognize and the body has developed a few opinions of its own about what we should and shouldn't be doing.
Even worse we begin noticing the world around us is also changing in ways that makes us feel like we're trying to keep up with a moving train.
For some it's little more than an inconvenience, for others it stirs unease and we begin to wonder about our health, our place in the world, whether the opportunities we once took for granted are slipping away.
Time to deep dive another fear..
Welcome to another chapter of Fear Factor 2, where we're looking at the fears that may not always sound their alarms, but can quietly affect how we think, feel and live.
This time we're taking a closer look at something none of us can avoid, getting older.
The Fear Isn't Always About the Years
If we're honest with ourselves, we know that a lot of us don't wake up one morning and realize we've become terrified of the number on our birth certificate, rather it's the implications of what it may represent.
We worry about losing our physical abilities or developing health problems.
We wonder whether we will still be able to enjoy the things we do and can keep up with the people and activities that make life meaningful.
Sometimes it's less about what may happen to us physically, but how other people may view us.
We also become quite aware of our limited time on this planet.
When we're younger, it seems like an expansive frontier. As we get older we become more aware that the road has a destination (although we may not know where or when we arrive).
This can be pretty unnerving and it can also make us more aware of our use of the time we have.
The important distinction is that being aware of aging isn't the same as being afraid of it.
We can acknowledge the realities of getting older without assuming that every birthday brings us one step closer to losing the things that matter to us.
🎃In case you missed it, here's the intro page to the entire popular original series!🎃 ⬇️
When the Mirror Becomes an Unwelcoming Reminder
Physical change is one of the first things we notice and the world around us isn't exactly making it easy.
We are flooded with ads promising to help us defy aging, remove wrinkles, restore youth, and make us look (and feel) like we did twenty years ago.
It seems perfectly acceptable to want to look and feel our best, take care of our skin, bodies and health.
But we should draw the line at treating every sign of aging as a personal attack. Our faces and bodies tell the story of the lives we've lived.
Some of those changes are indeed frustrating, some may require us to adjust our habits, but it certainly doesn't make us less valuable people.
We don't suddenly become less interesting or capable or deserving of enjoyment because our hair has changed color or our metabolism has decided to renegotiate its contract.
Perhaps the more useful question is not how can we stop ourselves from looking older, but how can we feel comfortable living in the bodies and lives we have now?
The Fear of Becoming Obsolete
One of the subtler fears of aging has very little to do with physical appearance however.
It's the fear of becoming obsolete as the world moves forward.
Technology advances, workplaces evolve, cultural markers move on and younger generations bring us new perspectives on problems we've been trying to solve for decades.
Sometimes it feels as though the world has moved on without so much as asking whether we wanted to come along.
In particular, the workplace sees people who have spent decades building their careers suddenly realizing that the experience they thought would keep serving them may now actually be a hindrance.
This has everything to do with the value we place on our own experience and it has nothing to do with what we may think about the value of others.
Experience matters, even if it doesn't necessarily come with the latest software update.
What we bring to the table in terms of perspective, judgment, patience, and patterns learned over decades are not found on a résumé or in the performance review.
The secret is not to try and compete with each successive generation on their own terms, but rather to recognize what we bring to the table while being open to learning from those around us.
Getting older doesn't mean we've finished growing, it simply means that it has more nuance.
*Maybe this is why a lot of people choose to work from home...⬇️
The Fear of Losing Independence
For many adults, the idea of losing independence is far more scary than the physical signs of aging. We value our ability to make decisions, manage our own lives, and take care of ourselves. The thought of someone else having to assist or take over things we always did ourselves can be daunting.
These concerns are perfectly understandable, especially if we've watched parents, relatives or friends have to deal with age-related health issues. We imagine that it will be the same outcome for us.
However the unfortunate truth is that people grow older in a variety of different ways. Our future health and ability is impacted by countless factors, many of which are outside of our control.
We can't always avoid the challenges we may face as we get older, however we can take practical steps to support our current health, be as physically active and socially engaged as possible, and have the right care and plans in place for those times when we need help.
Planning isn't an admission of defeat, it's a means through which we can protect our options.
Are Our Best Years Behind Us?
This is probably one of the most emotionally charged questions we pose to ourselves getting older. We look back at earlier parts of our lives and we remember how much energy and opportunity it seemed to offer. We may feel wistful about the people we were and the opportunities we had and the potential we had yet to discover.
Nostalgia can be a balm, but it can also become a trap when we start to measure everything against an idealized version of the past and forget that it wasn't really so great. We remember the highlights and the feel good bits and conveniently forget the stress, uncertainty and questionable decision making that went along with them.
Funny how that works when it wants to make the old days sound like a permanent vacation.
The truth is that different periods in our lives offer different opportunities. We may not have the same physical ability or responsibility we once did, but we may have greater wisdom, confidence and understanding of who we are and what we want.
There are friendships to develop, skills to learn, places to travel and experiences to explore we never had to consider in the past.
The future doesn't have to look like the past, it can be something better.
*This article will help you to balance your life no matter what your age is...⬇️
When Fear Begins Eating into the Present
A little concern about aging can inspire us to take care of ourselves and plan for the future, but when those concerns start taking over it can impact the very life we're working to protect.
We might avoid activities because we're afraid of getting hurt, pull away from social opportunities to be alone because we feel self conscious, or refuse to pursue interests because we tell ourselves we're too old to start something new. In some cases worry about potential future health problems can overwhelm us to the point we begin to struggle to truly enjoy the present.
This is when it's important to distinguish between realistic planning and constant fear. Preparation can be very empowering and planning can make a huge difference, but the constant specter of the worst case scenario can rob us of our strength and power.
If worries about aging are interfering with our abilities, relationships, sleep and overall functionality and if the idea of it being an everyday struggle is overwhelming, we need to talk to a qualified health professional. We shouldn't simply dismiss those feelings or accept them as an inevitable part of getting older. Our emotional wellbeing deserves our care at every stage.
Growing Older Doesn't have to Mean Growing Smaller
There is no magic bullet for erasing the fear of aging and it's probably not the most beneficial thing to pretend that every part of it is wonderful. There are definitely challenges, some of which demand quite the adjustment.
We can acknowledge those challenges, but we don't need to let them define our lives.
Perhaps the most useful approach is to look at what we can still build rather than what we've lost. We can continue learning, strengthening our relationships, exploring interests and finding new reasons to be excited about tomorrow.
We can also give ourselves permission to change direction when the life we had isn't the person we've become.
Getting older isn't a failure of remaining young; it's a natural part of being alive that deserves more than a marketing campaign telling us to fear our reflection.
Let's make thoughtful plans and focus on the life in front of us rather than spending all our energy worrying about the years ahead.
The goal isn't to turn back the clock, it's to make the most of the time we've got and wherever we are on the calendar.
Maybe the question isn't whether our best years are behind us; maybe the more interesting one is what we will do with the years that remain waiting to be lived.
Aging may change our bodies, priorities and days, but it does not take away our ability to choose, connect, learn, love and begin anew.
*Sometimes it's not a bad idea to try to improve your appearance to defy the aging process...⬇️
The future is not a punishment for our youth; it is ours to enter. So take care of yourself, make your plans and ask for help when you need it.
Then look up from the calendar and return to your life. The years will pass whether we fear them or not; the gift is that we get to decide how fully we meet them.
Have you experienced any of these life-changing events? What did you do to adjust?
Let's chat it out in the comments!
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