Embracing the Spooky: Why Change is the Real Halloween Monster We Fear
Can we agree for a moment that change is inevitable?
We often complain about it.
We complain about having to stay the same.
We want jobs to change (just not when we have to do the changing), we want to be healthier, but it's such a hassle to go on that diet.
We want things to change, just preferably not right now.
It's funny, really.
We all know that change is inevitable, that some change is even good for us.
But when it appears, knocking on our door, sometimes we hide behind the couch.
Nice intro, huh?
Fear Factor 2 is here, and this year, we're discussing a different type of fear.
Specifically, some of the more common fears that dictate the way we live our lives.
One of the fears we all experience eventually is the fear of change.
Are you ready?
Why Does Change Make Us Nervous?
One of the reasons we fear change so strongly is because we like the familiar. We like knowing what's going to happen, even if what happens isn't great.
We like having a job we know will be there, a relationship that's predictable. We like knowing where we are and where we're going. Change throws us off balance, puts us in an unfamiliar territory.
A new job, new relationship, new financial situation, new body, new life, even a new routine can be a scary prospect when we've been doing the same thing for a long time.
The important thing to realize here is that sometimes change isn't a bad thing - we just don't know what it is yet.
*Sometimes unfamiliarity creates the illusion of impossibility. Learn how to beat it!⬇️
Familiar Doesn't Always Mean "Better"
Sometimes we stay in situations that make us uncomfortable because we know them. We know how it feels to hate our job, to be unhappy about the way we're living.
We know the patterns in our relationships, our habits, how we think about things, the things we've told ourselves for years.
We know them because we've been there a long time.
That's one of the other fears that leads us to fear change - the fear that the unknown is worse than the familiar. It's easy to know what will happen if we stay put, harder to know what will happen if we move.
We know what tomorrow will be like when we stay in this job we hate, we don't know what it will be like if we move.
We tell ourselves that sometimes staying put is the safer option, and that can be true.
There's a difference between staying in a bad situation because we know it and staying in a bad situation because we're too afraid to change.
The Fear of Losing Control
Fear of change also means fear of losing control.
We can make plans to control whatever is going to happen, we can save money for a rainy day.
We can eat right and exercise.
We can be prepared.
But change happens anyway.
People get sick.
Relationships change.
Careers change.
Lives change in general.
We aren't in control of everything, only what we do know. Change often reminds us that we don't have as much power as we'd like to think we do.
That can be a good lesson.
It takes away the need for us to control everything, and focuses that energy into preparing us for the worst and hoping for the best.
That sounds much more manageable doesn't it?
*You can only control what you do, not what happens around you. Here's the break down!⬇️
Not All Change Is Bad News
One of the things that seems to happen often is that we automatically consider change to be a bad thing.
Sometimes that's because change is accompanied by something bad. But change itself isn't good or bad.
Growing old brings change.
Learning brings change.
Recovering from something brings change.
Changing careers, getting healthier, learning about people, seeing things differently - they can all bring change.
Sometimes losing something, or gaining something, brings change. Change isn't the problem, it's the uncertainty of what change means.
But that's a subtle difference.
If we automatically assume that anything we don't know is a threat, we run the risk of not taking chances that could change (for the good of) our lives.
When Fear Starts Making Your Decisions
Fear can be a good thing.
It can keep us on our toes, it can keep us from doing stupid things by telling us to stop and think first.
But fear shouldn't make all our decisions for us.
Say we want to change something in our lives.
Something small, like to be healthier.
We've been meaning to start exercising again, or we want to eat healthy, or we want to stop thinking about the stupid things that happened years ago.
We decide we're going to do it.
But then we stop ourselves with all the reasons it won't work.
We tell ourselves we can't do it because we don't really care, or we're too busy, or it's just our fear whispering in our ears that we're about to change and we don't really have any idea how to handle that.
Sometimes that fear is warranted and we should stop and think because there really are valid reasons why we won't just change and everything will magically be better.
But other times, it's not.
*Fear can be a monster, but you don't have to run from it. Learn how to deal with it.⬇️
You Don't Have To Love Change
The good news is, you don't have to become one of those relentlessly positive people who tell you that change is good!
You can hate change and be wary of it and miss everything that was there before and it's totally okay. You can fear change and not want to do it, and that's fine.
None of that means you should automatically agree to everything change wants.
The important thing is not to let your fear control you, which is actually a lot easier than it sounds.
Try Making Change Smaller
One of the easiest ways to handle the fear of change is to not consider the great sweeping change we're used to in movies and books.
Change doesn't always have to look like a giant mountain of stuff we need to do right now.
It can be as simple as the next step on the mountain. If we need to change the way we exercise, we can stop thinking about getting in the best shape we've ever been in and start just walking around the block.
If we need to change the way we eat, we can stop thinking about throwing out our kitchen and start with one meal changed.
If we need to change how we deal with stress, we can stop thinking about being a completely new person and try spending ten minutes in quiet contemplation.
Change doesn't always have to be a huge thing.
Sometimes small changes get us used to the idea, and those small changes are still good things.
What Are You Really Afraid Of?
One thing you could try asking yourself when you're afraid of change is what you're afraid of.
Not "why am I afraid of change".
Ask yourself what it is you're actually afraid of happening.
Are you afraid that you're going to fail or that it's not going to be the change you wanted?
Or maybe that other people aren't going to be okay with it?
There's a big difference between being afraid of change and being afraid of losing something that's important to you, and there's a big difference between being afraid of losing something and not preparing yourself for the change that needs to happen.
Sometimes the monster isn't as big as it seems when you shine light into the corners.
Which, coincidentally, is one of the things Fear Factor is all about.
*What is Fear Factor, you may ask? Here's the low down!⬇️
*Here's the inevitable sequel!⬇️
Change Is Coming Anyway
None of this is to say that we shouldn't be cautious of change.
We should be careful.
We should make plans.
Sometimes change is a really bad idea. But fear isn't always the answer. Change happens either way.
We change, our bodies change, our relationships, our jobs, our priorities, everything changes eventually.
Maybe it's not a matter of eliminating the fear, but of becoming a little more accustomed to feeling uncomfortable sometimes.
Because sometimes the thing we're afraid of is that the other side of the change might be different than we expect it to be.
Change can be good.
It can be really good.
What change have you been resisting lately - and what do you think you're really afraid of that change might bring?
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This is one of the best articles I have read on here recently. I was able to identify EXACTLY what has been holding me back from starting my business. I'm going to read it again so I can fully absorb the lesson here. Thank you!
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