The Fitness Graveyard: The Weirdest Exercise Machines Ever Invented

Halloween is fast approaching.

And it is now time to dig out the spooky decorations and old costumes. Besides ghosts and ghouls, we also have to resurrect the long-forgotten hoaxes of American fitness culture. 

In the race to make everyone slim and healthy, fitness nuts have come up with allmanner of bizarre exercise machines, vibrating belts, and other questionable contraptions. 

🏋️🏃🤸⛹️👻🎃☠️🤖👹🐺🪦 

Just like with the crazy diet trends we have seen before, the easiest way to achieve the most benefits in the shortest time was to use products that required little to no effort.

Let's explore the most ridiculous fitness-related money sinks featured in The Fitness Graveyard. 🪦 

If you dare....🎃 

1. The Human Paint Shaker: Passive Vibrating Belts from the 1950s-1970s🫨

Before manufacturers started to put fitness trackers in our watches, they have been trying to make us skinny and fit with various machines. 

The earliest examples of passive vibrating belts were promising to shake off the pounds as soon as the user puts the device on their waist, hips, or thighs. 

More upscale “slenderizing salons” even offered motorized tables that vibrated up and down while the client faced a mirror, believing they did a significant workout by just standing there. 

The only real activity the passive vibrating belts provided was giving you something to stand on, because the movement itself barely engaged any muscles.

While such a “workout” may have helped to loosen the muscles in your lower back, it did practically nothing to burn calories and reduce body fat. 

These fitness devices often caused various health issues due to a lack of movement.

Pro tip: If the workout requires you to stand doing nothing, then the only muscle you are exercising is your patience.

2. The Steam Room Walks: Rubber Sauna Suits In the 1970s until Today 🥵

After realizing that shaking their bodies was insufficient, fitness enthusiasts turned to an even more effective way of losing weight with the help of heat. 

Sauna suits made of rubberized fabric promised to help shed pounds while exercising, but the actual mechanism of this method was no different from putting a trash bag over your head when you go to the sauna. 

As you do various kinds of exercises in a sauna suit, you lose water weight, which makes you lighter and makes the scale happy.

However, since the trash bag equivalent of a sauna suit does not allow sweat to exit your body, the lack of perspiration may lead to dehydration. 

A sauna suit should not be used for a prolonged period of time or at high temperatures, as it can cause heat stroke and an increase in body temperature. 

Aside from that, the inability to cool down can put additional strain on the heart.

The most dangerous part of the sauna suit marketing is that the amount of water you lose can be mistaken for fat loss, since the scale is fooled by a lower number.

3. Nightmare Of The Organs: Extreme Waist Trainers in the 2010s🙀

Unfortunately, the 2010s brought back some of the 19th-century fitness traditions through the use of extreme waist trainers. Promoted by social media influencers, the corsets made from latex and steel were used to slim down the waist while working out.

The main benefit of extreme waist training was that influencers claimed to be able to wear them 24/7, which supposedly made the waist narrower with time. 

However, the medical community quickly pointed out that such a fitness tool was not only utterly unnecessary but potentially hazardous due to restricted breathing.

Wearing a waist trainer while exercising can be extremely dangerous for your lungs and core muscles. 

Doctors advise against waist training due to a lack of sufficient oxygen leading to chronic health issues, higher risks of acid reflux, and a possibility of organ displacement.

4. The Shaking: The Shake Weight In the Late 2000s🧂

When speaking about the dubious fitness products of the 21st century, we simply cannot forget the Internet’s beloved shake weight. 

Marketed as a revolutionary workout tool that tones all the muscles of the upper body in only six minutes, the dumbbell-like device was shaking furiously when a user moved it back and forth. 

The novelty of such a fitness tool made the late-night television hosts and social media influencers flock to it, promising miraculous results from only six minutes of training a day.

While the shake-weight exercises may have given some users a good workout, it also supplied them with cringe-worthy content for social media. 

This product ultimately was remembered for being an easily shareable gag, which is why it became another infamous example of why the Internet and its influencers are not always trustworthy sources of health and fitness advice.

Pro tip: If your personal trainer tells you that you need only six minutes of exercise per day and promises to tone every part of your body at once, then it is time to consult an actual fitness trainer.

(Dis)Honorable Mentions: The Oddities of the Fitness Graveyard🧟

The Face-Slimming Rubber Lip Mask (1930s–1950s): 

Long before face-rollers, vintage wellness magazines pushed rubber mouthpieces and "face-lifting" straps. Users were told to contort their faces into exaggerated vowels while wearing rubber harnesses to "exercise" their facial muscles and melt away a double chin. In reality, you just looked like a sci-fi villain while giving yourself a headache.

The "Isometric" Wonder Devices (1960s): 

Devices like the Bullworker promised Herculean strength in seconds a day by simply pushing or pulling against spring-loaded handles. While isometric exercise is a real thing, the infomercials turned it into a sci-fi cartoon gadget, leading many to think they could build muscle simply by squeezing a plastic tube while watching television.

The Thigh-Master (1990s):

Though it actually did provide some mild resistance for the inner thighs, Suzanne Somers' famous spring-loaded V-shaped wedge spawned a thousand parody knock-offs. It became the ultimate symbol of the "work out while sitting on the couch watching soap operas" movement.

The Bottom Line

From cotton balls and plastic trash bags to extreme waist trainers and shaking dumbbells, people have come up with some pretty unusual ways to try to lose weight over the years.

However, none of these methods are beneficial in the long run due to a lack of real physical activity and unhealthy stress on the body. 

Remember, the only way to get into shape is to work out consistently and eat healthy. If you are considering purchasing a fitness tool or starting a new workout, ask a personal trainer or primary physician for advice. 

Your body and mind will appreciate it in the future when you look back at the old fitness products with nostalgia.

So now we've got a question for you:

What useless fitness equipment did you see in your life that made you realize that there are some things better left forgotten?

Let us know in the comments!

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